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Shadows

Some recommended background music to accompany your reading:
Youth
Ain’t no sunshine
Let it be

Yesterday some dark thoughts danced around in my mind. Well, they slowly crept in just like any other thought would… sitting down, making themselves comfortable, packing out their favourite biscuits, looking around and thinking what do we have here? What could we possibly…?

There were some whispers, some hesitant words echoed. After some time they started chatting casually, just like some new acquaintances meeting for the second time. At the beginning, each of them was shy, not really contributing significantly to the conversation flow.

However, with time they feel more at ease, they are honest, straight-forward. Inconspicuously, there were more of them. They started to elaborate. Elaborate on things they don’t know very well or very much about. They elaborate on things that they hardly know. Or even haven’t heard of. But they like it. They go on. And on. And on… Until they are munching over improbable scenarios and each sentence what! each word throwing in its ration of anxiety, fear, doubt, sorrow or whatever you want to have burdening your shoulders.

So there the thoughts go, one to the other and there’s hardly any space for somebody different. The place is crowded! And it was then that I realised what was occupying my mind. I don’t even know how they got there – they just were there chirping about as they were to stay forever. I just shook my head and wanted to give myself a slap. Absolute rubbish! Trying to sow seeds of discomfort, doubt, self-consciousness. After shaking it all off, I thought that maybe we all have “a daily portion of sinking”, some quotes of feeling miserable we have to fulfil.

And maybe I was just being stupid. But I guess we all have our demons we carry around and that trouble us. And for all I know that’s OK. Just don’t let them act on your behalf, don’t let them turn into you. Learn to deal with them. Don’t listen to their chatter too often, try to cheer them up. Cause everybody deserves to be made happy. Even nasty thoughts sitting in the corner of your mind.

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To my dearest nephew

Hardly bigger than a walnut
And yet you made my tears fall
In the middle of a train station hall
In Germany…
Oh yeah, just act normally!

No worries, my little boy
Those were tears of joy
So you’re quickly forgiven

Waking me in the middle
of the night!
Well, never mind.
Cause we finally got to see you in life

Now you’re a bundle of giggles
So genuine and pure
For any sorrow the cure.

Your poop stinks horrendously
I mean like…seriously!
It’s everywhere
But you are the embodied cutenessIMG-20160626-WA0008[1]
And we love you nonetheless

All the slaps, punches, bites…
Our harmless little fights
The never-ending spitfalls
Your furious mama calls

All this disappears
When your face clears
You crack a smile
And we are speechless for a while

Please, regard this as a promise
That I’d strive not to miss
Any important moment you go through
For that’s what family is for

Also, kindly remember
That I won’t surrender
And behind mommy’s back I shall
Teach you all the mischief –
For that’s my speacial auntie mission! >:)

 

Yours faithfully,

 

auntie Kika

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Jingle stress, jingle stress, stressing all around

Don’t you just feel the Christmas spirit in the air? Yeah, me neither and I don’t know why! And that makes me kinda sad…

There is always so much to do when Christmas is slowly creeping in. The early birds are boasting that they have already bought all the presents and all they need is festive wrapping paper…cause it’s not being sold yet! So this is basically the first stress wave coming at you a.k.a. I still have nothing…

Then somebody tells you what a perfect present they have found for someone or even worse for you – and you still not having bought a single present nor thought up the “perfect one”. The second wave a.k.a. making lists and googling Christmas gifts for >add appropriate<.

Christmas is around the corner and you still haven’t bought all the presents, there is still some tidying up, cooking, baking and I-don’t-know-what to do. People start posting photos of their Christmas trees or dressed up children and notifications are popping out that you’ve been tagged in a photo you are not even in – of course, it’s a wish. You don’t know where to start and what to finish. The third wave a.k.a. oh, gosh, I’m never going to make it!

However, then there is the phase of evaluation. Ok folks, so what does really matter? Is it the amount and quality of food on your table? The colour of the serviettes or the mess left next to the couch…? Well, I don’t think any… And deep inside everybody knows what really counts. We just seem to be blinded by the glare of what we should, what we have to, and must and… 

The sooner you learn to make things perfect your own way and not how “it should be” the better. And please, stop panicking (no exclamation mark for it could send more stressful impulses out there 😀 ). I personally don’t have presents for 4 persons I will be with on Christmas Eve 😀 so find comfort in that. With a bit of humour everything won’t seem so tragic.

I wish you a merry and peaceful Christmas spent with your loved ones. Find joy in the little things and enjoy every moment somebody shares with you. Let the worries slip away and the magic of Christmas fill you to the brim.
All the best 🙂

 

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Becoming a Thief

Today is my big day! I’m finally going to do it! It’s been my dream ever since I was a child. Today, ladies and gentlemen, I’m becoming a thief.

I’ve read dozens of handbooks, watched hours of videos, and even consulted experts about proper preparations. I must tell some weren’t very keen on offering their advice and tips. Naturally, it’s a mastery and just like magicians they keep their secrets safe. After all, would they teach me too well, I’d become a threat very soon.

Anyway, being a thief takes a heck lot of practice. So today I took my mask, “suited up” and went to take position onIMG-20150329-WA0021 - kópia the spot I chose after careful consideration. So here I was, in the dark narrow alley, waiting for my first victim. I took a deep breath and pulled the mask over my face. When I heard the first light steps I went all quiet and narrowed my eyes and played various scenarios in my mind. Just don’t mess things up. Be consistent, quick, and invisible.

Gradually, the target came into view! Oh, shit. I thought when I saw a little girl skip past me. She was carrying a little Winnie Pooh backpack on her tiny back. Her pink skirt was flipping around her legs, her white blouse was all crumpled. She might have been playing with her friends, the toys stuffed in the colourful backpack. There sat a cheerful smile on her face, she had a light step. Innocent, carefree, pure. I can’t possibly…I shook my head and decided to wait for somebody else. But this time no compromises, even if it were a one-legged, hunched up, pregnant woman! Ok, that was a bit…never mind. Let’s keep focused.

Some minutes passed and I finally heard the sound of high heels clopping. It’s surely going to be an uptown girl with daddy’s fat wallet. I rubbed my hands in anticipation. The sound drew closer, bringing more clinking – possibly that of some expensive jewellery. My first proper theft! I grew more and more nervous. Suddenly, crutch number one, followed by a foot in home slippers, crutch number two, the second foot. Her textile shopping bag was decorated in shiny, playful beads, buttons, jingles – probably her granddaughter decorated it for her to make her lonely days less gloomy, I thought. Her shaky hands were clutching onto the handles, she was balancing her hulking old body and the full shopping bag. She was breathing heavily, her sole existence seemed to be a huge struggle. Damn it! I gritted my teeth. This is such a waste… I leaned against the wall and pondered what to do. Now a cute puppy farting hearts runs past… I thought miserably. Hoping against hope I looked around the corner. Who I saw made my heart skip a beat!

The perfect target: a rich businessman, healthy, capable of fighting back, surely earning his money by unfair practices. He was groping for his ringing phone in his luxurious jacket and seemed to be in a hurry. Great! I couldn’t wish for a better distraction! He picked up a few meters ahead of my hiding.

“Yeah, Yeah, don’t worry,” he was saying. I looked around to make sure that there were no witnesses.

“Of course, sweetie. Daddy will be there on time. As promised!” he nodded enthusiastically.

My shoulders sank. There is a little princess waiting for him… So what! He surely has enough money! But his little princess needs a lot of things… oh, gosh. My internal struggle began. He was disappearing into the distance. I shook my head and pulled my mask off. It wasn’t yesterday, it isn’t today and it won’t be tomorrow. The right time for doing bad things that is.

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Be proud of yourself

I was panting, my heart hammering wildly. Every bloody step takes me closer to the finish line, I kept repeating to myself. Only my steps were quite unsteady and carefully considered on the steep muddy slope. The air, which seemed scarce, burned in my chest. I wasn’t quite ready for this, I assumed. But however bad it seemed I was determined. Determined not to give up. I can do this. Just keep going…

But why all this strain? What I imagined would be a lazy Saturday morning turned into something utterly different. Well, basically I found myself participating in a run in the woods – the track wasn’t particularly long but the nature of it made it demanding. Uphill, downhill, steep slopes with peaks taking their time till they welcomed you…

All the other runners were professionals or at least almost at such a level, mastering the track in less than a half of my time. I couldn’t care less! By the way, I was the last one to cross the finish line – and I mean literally the last one 😀 (together with my sweetheart, holding my hand firmly, encouragingly. Thank you for pushing me forward!). However, it was about something else – about surpassing yourself and even surprising yourself. It was like a revelation, really… As if somebody told me: did you know you can do it? Unless you try, you won’t find the answer or reassurance. Well, damn you can! The most important thing is to believe in yourself and never give up. Of course I imagined lying in my comfy bed huddled in warm covers… Of course it would have been easier, more comfortable, less troublesome. Of course I wished for at least a glass of water and a bit of magical energy recharging me again. Of course I wanted, I needed, I…

All that mattered was, that I did it! Giving up was a thought I pushed to the furthermost part of my mind. It kept dancing around, though, so I had to call that party quits! I reached the finish line and was genuinely proud of myself. And I thought why not? I deserve it. So all I’m trying to say is: don’t be shy to acknowledge your accomplishments. Be proud of yourself.

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